What do you do when your child is a bully?

It can be quite disturbing to learn that your child picks on other kids. Some of us witnessed bullying while growing up. I hate bullying with everything in me. So, if my child were to be confirmed as a bully, I would feel pretty bad about it. But what can you do if your child is a bully?

There is a difference between the normal squabbling children get involved in occasionally and bullying. The difference is when it’s habitual — a pattern. So when squabbles become a pattern for your child, it is a good idea to do something about it.

That you are reading this article is already a good step. I will be sharing some tips on how to tackle this menace and nip it in the bud before it escalates into bigger issues.

It can feel like you are a weak parent when people judge you based on how your child behaves.

It’s time to quit complaining and do something about it. Ready to go?

• Watch out for patterns
  

  The first move to solving this issue is to be observant. This includes observing when your child picks on another child. You should watch to see if there is a pattern that leads to the bullying behaviour. Most times, children hit or tease other children when they want to express something and cannot express it. Your role is to find out if there is a pattern that you can detect so that you can handle the real issue behind the bullying.

• Is it as a result of hunger, being scared or tired?
  

  This is another reason your child is a bully to other children. Once a child is hungry, scared or tired, most times, the child gets involved in attacking other children or hitting anything close by. If his hitting is as a result of any of these things, you can then tackle the real issue – his hunger or fear – to avoid such actions.

• Is there a major change in the family?

  Children whose parents are going through a divorce could exhibit violence. The reason is simply that they are uncomfortable with the situation and are helpless to fix the situation.

  When there is a new baby in the home, your older child may get involved in bullying as a way of getting your attention. While you may consider this childish, find a way to carry him along so as to reduce his tendency at picking on other children.

• Have a consistent pattern of punishment.
  

  If you have made up your mind on the type of punishment to give to your child should he bully other kids, you should let your partner and relations in on it. If you are the only one punishing him in a particular way when he is mean to others, he might start disliking you. But if everyone whom he is under their care punishes him the same way, he will come to understand that what he does is actually wrong. When it comes to children, consistency seems to work best for them in many situations.

• Do not ignore underlying signs.
  

  Once you notice that your child is a bully to others, do not ignore the signs. Start tackling it immediately and get all the help you can for a chance at stopping it before it turns into a bigger issue.

• Find a compromise

  If your child is still very young and cannot tell what is happening to him, you can try soothing him instead. Sometimes, singing for him or reading to him could be all that is needed to calm him down.

  

• Have him apologize

  There is no such thing as “he is still a child and will outgrow his bullying habit.” When your child hits or picks on other kids, have him apologize to them right there. This is not the time to pamper him no matter how much you love him. Let him realize that his actions are unacceptable so that he will grow knowing this.

• Try paying more attention to the victim

  This may sound funny but it works many times. Even as adults, we feel bad when attention is removed from us and given to someone else, especially from someone we love. The same thing can work for your growing child. Give your child the punishment he deserves for his actions: ignore him and pay attention to the victim. He will certainly not like this and it can stop him from getting involved in such act.

• Don’t get physical with him.
  

  If you hit him back for hitting another child, he may be confused on why he is really being punished, since you just used the same pattern in punishing him. Instead, try other means of punishment devoid of hitting and spanking. The idea is to let him know that bullying is not acceptable in any situation.

• Keep a close eye on him. 
  

  If your child has the habit of bullying other kids, you might want to keep him within range so as to avert such situations. This is more important when he is with other kids.

• Try communicating your feelings to him.

  Yes, a friend of mine had to cry her heart out to her child and seeing how her mum hurts at his actions curbed this bullying tendency. Our kids hate to see us cry and if it comes down to using this means, by all means, go for it. But then again, the child should be old enough to understand what you are trying to communicate to him.

• Seek help.
  

  If you have tried all these, it might be a good time to seek help outside. You could speak to anger management professionals, his school counselor or any other person or group that might be of help.

It is really challenging to discover that your child is a bully. But the good news is that you can still do something about it and change the child for better. No matter what happens, do not give up on the child. Unattended anger issues are some of the major reasons we have crimes and violence in our society.

Do not wait any longer! Early detection leads to early solutions.

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