Every parent has an oops, right? We say something we regret. But there are some things you should never say to your child.

Our kids are our world. Without them, life would be so boring. I still remember the first time I became a mum and how thrilled I was. I still fall into a state of euphoria every time I think about it.

But then, your child starts growing up and we start noticing some things we are not so thrilled about.

I know you want the best for your child. You just want to spur him on to do better. Well, do note that words can be counterproductive. And there are words we should not be using on people we say we love, especially our kids.

Here are 12 things you should never say to your child:

1. “This test score is great! Why can’t you do this all the time?”

You just commended your child for doing great at a test and then spoiled it with that word “but.” Once you make use of the word but, you end up making her feel like he needed to do more to be accepted.

You need to learn how to use the right words at the right time. Your child needs your praise at that moment for doing so well. You don’t have to remind him to continue with that pattern. Instead, praise and celebrate him for doing so well on the test and he would not need a reminder to strive to do better next time.

2. “You look fat in those clothes.”

No one wants to be called fat or reminded that they are fat. If you are worried about your child’s weight, do something about it like preparing healthy meals for him and taking him for walks and some minor workouts. Such words demoralize rather than build a child’s self-esteem.

3. “Why are you being so lazy?”

 If someone were to use these same words on you in the office, would you still be motivated to carry out the task? Naturally, children are filled with so much energy much more than we can keep up with. Therefore, if your child is being “lazy,” there might be more to it. Find out what is bothering him.

4. “Why do I need to repeat myself all the time?”

If you have to repeat yourself to your child every time, it could be that your communication strategy is not getting across to the child. If you like shouting or nagging when communicating with your child, it becomes hard to get them to really “hear” you each time. You should try using open-ended questions instead. It works better for kids.

5. “You’re being a baby.”

First of all, children are not supposed to act like adults. If there is a change in your child’s behavior, it is usually because he is scared, anxious or nervous. Don’t shame your child with such words but instead get to know what is really happening.

I know I know, you are thinking it’s much easy to say it than do it. I have realized that when there is a baby around me and my son like my newborn niece, he does not say anything and lets me enjoy the baby that I carry and give much attention. But then for the rest of the day or even two days, my almost 5 year old son starts talking and acting like a baby.  And yes I have told him a few times that he was acting like a baby while all he wanted is me to give him the same full attention that I was giving to my niece.

6. “Stop being so selfish!”

A child will always be a child. Using such words on your child will discourage him from expressing himself about his needs. This disposes him to isolation. If you cannot afford something that your child needs, there are better ways to go about it than using such words. You better simply explain the situation.

7. “Do as I say or else…”

This is more like a command or issuing an order, and you and I know kids don’t like such. What works is to explain to your child your reason for wanting him to do what you said rather than forcing him to do it.

He definitely will be more willing to do what you say when you carry him along.

8. “I’m totally disappointed in you.”

I get it, kids can do annoying things sometimes, but such words only end up dashing any hopes of the child correcting such bad behavior.

Regardless of what damage your child has done, refrain from using such words because at the end of the day, that is the only thing he/she will remember from the incident.

9. “Shame on you!”

Such words are never to be used on our kids no matter how annoying they are and they can really be. It’s a way of telling your child to be ashamed which could make him/her be aggressive and defiant.

Trying to make him see reason with you on why you are not happy with him at that moment will be lost. It is always better to let children know that what they did is not good some other ways like asking him to go to his room than using such words.

10. “I wish you would be more like your sister (or brother)”

Comparing your child to his sibling is counterproductive. You may end up destroying his/her uniqueness. Every child possesses a unique strength and challenges. You have to come to terms that your child is different from his siblings and work on him based on his uniqueness.

11. “Are you sure you want to do that?”

This question may seem harmless, but such words are usually used by overprotective parents.

You should allow your child try out new things and take new risks except the risk is life-threatening. Encouraging your child to do what he wants to do will put him on the pathway to independence.

12. “You are pathetic!”

This is another word that you should not be using on your child. Such words block out all reasoning left in your child and create a negative impact instead. It could even affect his self-confidence and esteem as well as his mood and performance at home and school.

These 12 phrases should be avoided when communicating with your child. Regardless of how angry you may be with your child, refrain from using such negative words as their impacts are more damaging.

If you have more words you think should not be used on kids, I would love to hear about them in the comment section.