Today’s post comes from parenting writer Kara Wilson. As a mom of two young children, she knows how tricky toddler meals can be! Read her great tips on turning toddler meals into a family mealtime everyone enjoys, including us parents.

What are mealtimes like in your house?

Noisy, rushed, and full of complaints about what’s on the menu? Or, do you have toddler meals at a separate time to you, so that you can have a quiet adult meal afterwards?

It’s every family’s dream to have a relaxed meal together, but so often that doesn’t happen. Often, kids have filled up their tummies on snacks from earlier, or are so hungry that they don’t even realise that what they’re actually feeling is hunger. It just feels like anger.

You know what ‘hangry’ feels like, but at least you know that eating something will fix that problem. Kids often don’t. The end of a busy day when everyone’s tired and restless can spell disaster. Sitting down to a meal can be just too much, and it’s a struggle to keep them at the table.

There are times when even cooking that meal is too much.

But you do it. You have to, you’re the parent.

Will your kids only eat certain foods, and after many unsuccessful attempts, you give in and cook them what they’ll enjoy? You’ll essentially do anything for some peace.

Does any of this sound familiar?

Well, of course you know you’re not alone. In fact, it’s the norm in most households — ask any of your friends with kids.

Imagine this instead then. Picture your family sharing a meal together, where everyone is sitting down at the table, talking about their day, laughing, eating their food without complaint, and then even helping to clear up at the end. Believe it or not, it is achievable.

What doesn’t work if you want an enjoyable meal?

Sure, you could smuggle vegetables into every meal (and that can’t hurt!) to ensure that the kids are getting in some nutrients. You could bribe them to sit at the table, perhaps with something sweet afterwards or some screen time. It might work, but it won’t work every time, and let’s face it, it’s not something we’d ideally like to be doing.

You could do a reward chart, but kids often don’t care about some abstract incentive they might receive in the future. They live in the present.

You could give them toys to play with to distract them, but they’re not really learning anything about food, and they’re becoming mindless eaters. That means they’re not listening to their bodies whether they’re full or not.

So, what is the key to a calm family mealtime?

You are.

With kids, the best way to change or encourage any new behavior is to model it. Simple as that. It all comes down to YOU.

What can you do to model happy toddler meals?

I’m sure you’ve tried everything. Staying calm and not resorting to shouting is a huge challenge, though. You’ve spent time and love creating meals for your kids, and they won’t eat them. It’s infuriating! But not just that; you worry that they’re not getting enough nutrients.

I’ve put together my top ten tips for encouraging kids to not only try new foods, but to sit calmly with you. It will naturally take time to make these changes, since some of these habits are deeply ingrained depending on how old your kids are.

1. Change your mindset

With several disaster meals it’s easy to start to dread the next one. As a parent, though, you only have three responsibilities when it comes to your kids’ eating. The Ellyn Satter Institute calls it the Division of Responsibility in Feeding. It’s up to you what the family eats, when and where. It’s your child’s responsibility to decide whether they’ll eat and how much. So, that means that your job is to prepare a meal at a set time and place, and that’s it. So, deep breaths, smile, and stay calm – it’s not up to you to force your kids to eat or to finish what’s in front of them. See, now you have one less job to do. Parenting win!

2. Play with food

Educating kids in a fun way about food away from the table can help to alleviate any stress they might feel at mealtimes. This could be as simple as reading books about fruit and vegetables, or colouring in food pictures. Try naming the colours of fresh produce at the store.  Or sit them down with the fruit bowl to feel and smell the fruit.  You could make-believe play by setting up a pretend café or shop using real or toy food. And one of the best ways to play with food is to grow your own.  Even if you don’t have room for a full vegetable garden, you can grow in pots on the windowsill.

3. Get the kids into the kitchen

Let them sit and watch you prepare a meal, and encourage them to help. Even doing something as small as washing the vegetables will give them a sense of pride and independence. And knowing they’ve contributed towards the meal will help to inspire a positive attitude when it comes to sitting down to eat it.

4. Eat together

For as many meals as is possible, eat at the same time as your kids. Watching you eat and enjoying your food normalizes the whole experience. It’s the concept of ‘monkey see, monkey do’. Kids can often get suspicious if they think we’re making them do something we wouldn’t do ourselves. I’m sure you’ve witnessed your child being far more interested in eating off your plate rather than their own. They don’t want to miss out on anything!

5. Set and clear the table together

Getting the kids involved in the whole process, as age and ability allows, removes any mystery and fear of the unknown. Kids love a job, and they generally love to be doing what the grownups do. Let them, even if it means spillages and mess. Accidents happen. Tidying up after themselves is a fantastic life skill you can teach from early on.

6. Use positive language

We don’t want our kids complaining about the food, but it’s just as important that we’re careful to use positive language as well. Instead of saying things like, “you don’t like ___?”, we could rephrase it with something like, “You don’t want to eat that today. Never mind, maybe next time.” It can take kids at least ten exposures to a food before they accept it, so just keep offering it without the pressure to eat it. They just might surprise you one day!

7. Eat buffet-style meals

Forget about pandering to every little food preference, and instead only make one meal!  Put it all in the middle of the table and let everyone help themselves. Kids can feel completely overwhelmed if they’re faced with a loaded bowl of food right in front of them. If they can decide for themselves what they’ll put on their plate, they won’t feel pressured to eat. Of course in the beginning, they’ll choose all of their favourites. But gradually they’ll hopefully get more and more adventurous if mealtimes remain stress-free.

8. Encourage them to try a new food

While we don’t want to be forcing our kids to eat, we can gently encourage them to try a new food. This could be a calm suggestion that they might like to just put it on their plate. Or maybe they would like to feel it.  You can suggest they just smell it,  and maybe lick it, or even kiss it. If they do want to do any of these things, then that’s incredible progress – they don’t even need to taste it.

It’s not necessary to make a big deal of it, though, it’s just part of the learning process. Eating is no different to any other skill they’re learning. If they don’t want to make any advances towards a new food, just move on. There’s always next time.

9. Encourage them to stay at the table

If your kids continue to get up during a meal, you can calmly ask them to return to the table. Explain that they don’t have to eat, but it would be nice if everyone sat together and chatted as a family (and no devices or toys, even for the little ones). Eating, after all, is a social event; it’s not merely for nourishment. Make the conversation fun and light, with the attention away from the food.  And they may want to stay there because it’s genuinely enjoyable.

10. Embrace the mess

Yes, mealtimes can get messy. We don’t want to allow the throwing of food intentionally, but don’t worry too much about the mess. If someone eats with their hands, puts food in their drink, drops food all over their clothes…try to let it go. It’s more work for you, of course, and you’ve already got so much to do already, but keeping every aspect of the meal as tantrum-free as possible is the way to go. Anyway, if you’re getting everyone to help clean up afterwards, the workload will be divided.

Calmer mealtimes are possible

I hope some of these tips help you and your family have more and more calm mealtimes. It will take time, and there will be occasions when you totally lose your cool, but that’s absolutely normal. You’re only human, and there will be plenty more meals to come. Make it a part of your daily routine – happy eating with your family!

Kara Wilson is a parenting writer, editor, and mama to two small children. Her educational background is in Psychology, and she has almost two decades of professional experience in early childhood. Aside from her family and writing, her other biggest loves are cooking, nutrition, travelling, and of course, reading! Find out more at KaraWilsonWrites and check out her food ideas for kids on her Instagram @LittleFoodieGuide

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