Are you a “relaxed” parent?

There are people who describe their parental style as relaxed and now they are explaining why it works. The reason for this is the numerous objections that parents receive while their children are well fed, well-educated, and loved. A relaxed parent is often misunderstood. Does that sound familiar to you?

To convince parents that they are doing well and need to believe in them, there are a few rules we need to set aside that accompany any relaxed parent in order not to lose their head:

Try to understand what your child is telling you

“Rule no. 1 in parenting is that you always keep in mind that all children express their thoughts, feelings, and needs through behavior, “says Dr. Clara Burn, a psychiatrist in New York specializing in parental problems. In other words, if a child does what you specifically told him not to do, there is a reason for that, and it’s up to you to discover it. “You can’t see the behavior for yourself; you have to figure out what causes it. Only then can you understand the child’s point of view and correct his behavior in the future.” A relaxed parent tries to understand what’s really going on before they react to misbehaviour.

Slow down

Psychologists advise parents to stop with their frenzied rhythm. For example, turn your diaper changing into an bonding experience rather than just a routine chore. Let it take 3 minutes instead of 30 seconds. Do it slowly, talk to the child, explain to him what you are doing and wait for an answer. This will make everyday boring actions a chance to build a relationship of security and trust between you and the child. A relaxed parent knows when to take their time.

Leave the phone and computer

Parents often forget that the most valuable thing they can give their child is their time and full attention. So make sure you are completely present when you are with a child. Turn off your phone whenever you come home or specify a certain time (at least an hour) when you turn off all the electronics and be only with the child and family. A relaxed parent can set aside the concerns of the world and devote some time to their children.

Find a child’s problem and reasons for it

When you understand the child’s behavior, show it to him and with his words, express his feelings and desires. That way you give the child the message that his feelings are important. You give him understanding and you model showing empathy. A relaxed parent gives their children the most valuable gift of being heard.

Do not stress over little cries

Crying is the way in which children are relieved of stress. That’s why children feel better when they are well-cried. Instead of begging your child to stop crying, tell him that it is OK to cry. Stay near and reassure them that you are there and that they will feel better soon. A relaxed parent recognizes what’s serious and what will work itself out without interference.

Do not try to be super mummy

Dr. Donald Vinicio, an English pediatrician, and psychoanalyst is the creator of the phrase “good enough mother” – the goal that Susan Landon, a family therapist in Los Angeles, recommends to all moms to adopt. The reason for this is simple. They argue that it is impossible to achieve perfection in parenting, and if you are striving for it, you will surely be disappointed both in yourself and your child. It is a learning process in which everyone is allowed to mess up — both you and the child. Forget about your unrealistic expectations and stop comparing yourself with other moms. Because they are not as “perfect” as you think.

Accept blame

Keep in mind that motherhood is a marathon rather than a sprint. If you sometimes choose to go to an event or activity for you rather than spending time with your child, you may feel like you need to spend much more time with them the next day to make up for it. But a sense of guilt is simply a normal part of parenting.

You are also important

A happy mom means a happy child. It is important to take care of yourself and to do things that make you happy outside the role of the mother. You may think that you are a super mum because you put your needs in the last place, but in the end, everyone is suffering. You can’t be a relaxed parent if you don’t know how to relax!

Admit when you’re not right

When you do anything for which you are sorry (raise a voice, say something in rage, hit the child very and similarly), first calm down. Then fix the situation with the child. If you expect him to apologize to you when he makes a mistake, you must do the same, and so be a good example.

Praise your child

Both winning games and doing well .. and making mistakes and losing matches deserve praise. Give your child the knowledge that we all sometimes win and sometimes lose. Let them know you are proud of him because he participated and tried his best, no matter what the outcome.

Let your child have their own personality

Listen to the advice of a psychologist, and instead of trying to impose on a child what they should be, discover their personality. It’s normal to look at your child as a part of yourself, but give him the space to be who and what they are – even if that’s not always what you had in mind. A relaxed parent can let their child be themselves.

Give your child some control

Children like to feel they have control. You can use this the best way for everyone. For example, if a child helps when planning meals and purchases, they will eat what is served because they had a role to play. If they choose their toothbrush color, it is more likely that they will brush their teeth. How much control will you give to your child? Do it according to age. A relaxed parent can pick their battles.

Learn a child how to cope with stress and frustration

Do not overly protect your child. Let your little one learn to cope with frustration. No matter how cruel it sounds, frustration is a part of everyday life. Only this will build tolerance for stress. For example, when a child creates a block tower and everything collapses, and they starts to get upset or cry, explain to him first you understand how terrible it is, give him time to cry a bit and then show him that he can make an even higher tower!

Do not try to trick your child

Many moms think it’s okay to tell your child that you are going to watch a movie when, in fact, you go to the dentist. You should know that it’s always better to tell the truth, even when that child does not like it. It’s important that they trust you as well as being emotionally prepared for what is waiting for them.

How relaxed are you?

The most famous book on this topic is Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting by Dr. Laura Markham.

Let us know in the comments how relaxed a parent you are, and where you can improve.

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