It is almost impossible to find a parent with two or more children who could honestly say their kids get along perfectly. Ideally, siblings should be best friends. In reality, they will probably fight over a toy and make each other cry. Sibling rivalry is typical, however.
For a number of reasons, this is quite natural. Older kids usually get jealous when the new baby arrives, kids’ different temperaments make things complicated, and their different needs make them behave worse than they should. The good news is that you can seriously contribute to solving this issue.
Here’s how to start
1. Don’t pick sides
Intervening in this type of problems can be a minefield, so be careful when you start dealing with it. The single most important thing is not to say one child is right and the other is wrong. This can create new problems, as one of your children might feel less loved and the blame game will make you look like the “bad guy”.
2. Treat your children equally
When buying clothes or toys, try to be fair to your kids and buy them the same or similar stuff whenever it is possible. The same goes for preparing meals. If you give one of your children oatmeal and the other pancakes for breakfast, the one with oatmeal might think you love the other child more.
3. Do some teamwork
Engage your children in team activities, be it picking up toys or playing games. If they learn to work together for the same goals, the chances are that they will have fewer reasons to get competitive in a negative way. When you are performing a chore, try to give your children equal or similar responsibilities.
4. Give your kids some space
When kids engage in some serious rivalry and fight each other, it is okay to separate them until they cool down. Sometimes it is better than trying to talk some sense into them, as the conflict can make all of you too emotional to rationally solve the problem. Take as much time as you all need.
5. Meet your children’s needs
Much of the sibling rivalry emerges when one child is feeling left out or thinks that their needs are neglected. Try to make time for all of your children’s needs, favorite activities or just a simple talk. This isn’t always easy, and sometimes one child’s needs will be highlighted. You shouldn’t be in it alone, so feel free to ask your partner to jump in. While you are playing ball with your sporty kid, your partner can play video games with your kid who is in love with tech.
6. Avoid comparing your kids
Even twins can turn out to be completely different in terms of their talents, interests or temper, and not to mention their success in school or sports. Rather telling your child they should be more like their sibling, try to focus on each child’s specific strengths and help them develop in that direction.
7. Allow your kids to express negative feelings
Be it anger, sadness, disappointment or any other negative emotion, you shouldn’t force your kids to suppress it in order to fix it. If anything, allowing your children to get angry will work for you, as you will get a better insight into the problem between the siblings.
8. Don’t overreact
Not every conflict requires your attention. Some simple teasing is a part of the growing up process and it can be even fun for the siblings.
- Who will walk the dog?
- Who will win the staring competition?
- Or who will push the button in the elevator?
These situations can help the siblings develop a healthy competitive spirit and do not mean that they are in a general conflict.
9. Talk!
Find an age-appropriate way to talk to your children about their rivalry and help them understand they can do better. This is especially recommended if your kids have hit the puberty, when the conflicts get more intense. Despite the fact that things can get feisty in this period, children of this age also drop the conflicts faster, and some open talk can speed things up.
10. Get professional help
If things get too complicated, you can always address the problem with the help of an expert. A good child therapist can be a lifesaver in these situations. However make sure you don’t rush to see one if you estimate you can solve the problem within your family.
Although sibling rivalry can be stressful, it should go away after a while. With a bit of reasoning and honest talks, you will forget your children have ever had such problems.
What are your experiences with sibling rivalry? If you have any tricks for solving these issues, feel free to share them with us in the comments bellow!
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