How to let go of your child.. horrible?

I used to think that letting go of my kids will not be as “horrible” as some parents made it look. How wrong I was. I didn’t know how to let go of your child.

I witnessed firsthand how “horrible” it was indeed when my sister’s teenage daughter had to go off to college. My sister was torn between holding on or letting her go. Well, eventually, she had to let her go.

The transition could have been less painful.

Thinking about it now, things could have been different. My sister would not have felt the way she did if she had prepared herself for what to expect.

Because of the experience she had with her first daughter, she was forced to learn how to better deal with letting go of someone. She learned and experimented with her second child. And it was far easier than she thought.

All you need to do is to prepare ahead and you won’t have to feel like the world is coming down on you.

So, today, I am going to be guiding you on what she did that worked and what still works for me. If you can apply these tips, you will find that it is easier to let go of someone you love.

We love our kids to distraction, don’t we? My guess is that you share a special bond with your kids just like I do. And in as much as we want to guard and protect them for life, we have to let them go at some point.

They have to become their own teachers, make their own mistakes and learn from it.

Otherwise, they will never grow into independent beings like us, their parents. Ironically, it seems our kids are more prepared for independence than we are.

Ready to learn how to make this transition easier? Let’s go.

Start young

Let’s start with Parent Effectiveness Training (PET), which was created by Dr. Thomas Gordon in his model of control and influence theory. Dr Gordon suggested that, at the age of 9 years, children should start receiving some lessons on how to become independent.

At that age, they are halfway to adulthood with 12 years being the 2/3 mark to adulthood.

At this stage, you should start teaching your children how to do little things. This is what will prepare them for independence later on in life.

For example, you can start by teaching them how to cook simple dishes. This should be done with you supervising, of course. They can help with the preparation, but they are not to get close to the burner, yet.

Get them to help out.

At age 9, it’s time for your kids to get involved in simple house chores. Let them make their own beds. Gently point out where they are not getting it right and allow them to make the required changes.

Next, teach them how to tidy up the house. Get them to join you the next time you are doing it.

You can get them involved on the weekends. They can help out with washing the dishes, mowing the lawn, mopping the floor, etc. They may not be able to do all at the same time. However, they can start with baby steps.

This process is important because not only does it help prepare your kids for independence, it also helps to create a sense of responsibility in them. Most kids love it when they get involved in things that were once reserved for adults only.

Have them do it on their own.

This is for when they get to age 12. You have already done a good job of getting them involved in most of the activities we listed above. Now is the time to actually allow them do it on their own.

Sounds risky, right? But if you have actively gotten them involved in the last 3 years, they should be ready by now.

Yes, allow them prepare meals and cook them unattended. You can stay close by in the next room, but allowing them to cook is like telling them “I trust you to handle things.”

Feeding is an important aspect of our lives. You should allow them become independent in this aspect.

Ask them for their opinion. 

From age 12, you should start seeking for their opinion. You may wonder what they know at this age, but you will be surprised to learn that they have a lot to offer.  It’s time to let them make mistakes (though not the ones with grave consequences) and learn from them.

It’s time to let them go to the park with friends unaccompanied. Just make sure you have run a background check on the friends.

Allow your child take the bus back from school with her best friend. She is going to be doing it by herself someday. Why not start now?

Change your own perspective.

Finally, you need to change your own thinking. Yes, this last step is for you. Stop seeing your child with the same eyes you saw him or her at birth. You need to understand that you must let him or her go at some point.

This is why you must painstakingly coach her on the things that matter. That way, your child will be almost ready to leave home fully prepared to face the world.

Letting go of your child can feel like letting go of the past or letting go of a relationship that means so much to you. I know how hard and challenging it can be to watch your child become independent of you.

But with these steps, you should be able to better handle your emotions. You should also take comfort in the fact that you are preparing your children for the basic challenges they will face.

Letting go and moving on is a must. Start preparing today!

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