Contrary to the popular belief, children’s self-esteem isn’t all about their nature – it is about their nurture as well. The way you raise your child today can make a huge difference tomorrow when they need to take that huge test or in many years when your kid goes to a job interview.
There are some very specific things you can adopt to make your overall parenting style encourage your child’s self-esteem. Here are some tips to get you going.
If your child lacks self-esteem, don’t make a big deal out of it.
In order to avoid unnecessary emotional scars, pay attention to the following malpractices that lower children’s self-esteem, even when your intentions are completely opposite.
Don’t point out that there is something wrong with your child.
Your child might be shy or quiet, they might never host a talk show or become red carpet stars, they might get a smaller circle of friends – and, obviously, none of these things indicates that there is something wrong with them.
Don’t get angry or disappointed if your child doesn’t feel confident enough to express themselves.
Any judgy tone might upset them and lower their self-esteem even more. You don’t want your little one to grow up thinking “mommy doesn’t love them because they are not good enough”.
Don’t compare your child to other children.
It creates an avalanche of insecurity, especially if you compare them in the context of being or not being shy. Avoid such comparisons if you don’t want to make your child feel less capable of different things than their peers or even less valuable than them.
In order to increase your child’s self-esteem, you need to get proactive.
To put things simply, focusing on the bigger picture brings more effective results than lamenting over present problems.
Try working on the following things:
Empower your child through hobbies
Come up with different activities for your child to help them discover their talents. Knowing that they are good in a specific field will definitely bring them a good dose of self-confidence as they are growing up. Don’t worry if you cannot find their perfect hobby immediately and stay persistent.
Encourage your child to be grateful and compassionate
Fostering gratitude and compassion strengthens your child’s relationship with others and the world. Being able to understand others better, they understand themselves better as well and feel more comfortable in their own skin and everyday communication.
Praise but don’t over-praise your child
One would think praising your child all the time would turn them into perfectly self-confident people. However, when they get on their own, not everyone will praise their capabilities as you did. Their self-esteem is fragile and weakens when they are exposed to criticism. On the other hand, children who don’t receive any praises at all have troubles accepting that things they do are good. Try to balance your praises.
Encourage your child’s responsibilities
Children who are in charge of some aspects of their lives grow up to be more secure than those who never have to pick up their toys or do the dishes. Independence almost inevitably boosts self-confidence. You can also boost your child’s self-esteem by giving them the responsibility of choices, starting with small things (for instance, ask them if they want to wear their white or blue hat today).
Show unconditional love
Some parents love saying stuff like “If you don’t clean up the mess, mommy and daddy won’t love you anymore”, finding those cheesy lines somehow effective. The truth is such seemingly harmless lines can create a constant emotional tension in your child who will always feel like they owe you something before they can get your love.
A few more tricks for boosting your child’s self-esteem
When you have tried everything to help your child be more secure and vocal about their needs, and nothing seems to be working, you can still pull a few aces from your sleeve.
Take your child to drama lessons
Art therapy can do wonders for shy kids, and stage-related arts are, as the experts claim, even more effective in this mission. For many kids, a stage is a space of liberation, space where they learn how to be more comfortable in their own skin by playing other people.
Practice more playdates
While your child might feel too inferior to make friends in school, maybe they will feel more comfortable meeting new friends one on one. So, if you have any friends with kids who are the same age as your child, go ahead, schedule some playdates. More friends usually come with more self-confidence.
Finally, give your child some time. Self-esteem takes years to develop. You can do your best and still have to wait for years to see some more notable results.
Do you have any advice on helping children with their self-esteem? The comment space is yours!
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