One minute you hold your baby in your arms. The next, it seems they’re fully grown, before you know it! It doesn’t take long for kids to grow up, right? They get independent so quickly. And since whatever they learn in childhood is what they take with them into adulthood, there’s no better time to instill positive communication and thinking skills into them.

Kids learn fast.

Typical communication is an exchange of information between people. So sometimes we wonder if our kids really can communicate coherently. Do they truly understand?

Well, they may not communicate like adults, nevertheless, they do communicate in their own unique ways.

Our kids pick up on our attitudes, our words and how we communicate. So what are you saying — both with your words and without? What you communicate, and how you communicate it, is important.

What are you communicating?

A child’s first relationship is usually the one the child has with the parents. Therefore, when you, as a parent, set the standard for healthy communication process, it will help your child develop communication skills that will see them through life. Using positive words while conversing with your child build mutual trust, connection, respect, and nurtures the child’s self-esteem.

To help you achieve this, here are some guidelines to positively communicate with your child:

1. Bring up conversations during the in-betweens

   The trend of calling your kids and have them sit face-to-face, eyeball-to-eyeball, while speaking to them is gradually fading. With this pattern of communication, the child will prepare him or herself for some schooling or drilling and will most likely put up a wall of defense. And then you have lost control over the conversation.

   The best way to go about it is to bring up the issue amidst conversations and activities. Regardless of how serious or trivial the issue is, you can bring it up while baking together, driving or walking to school, bathing time, or even at bedtime. These activities are known to loosen kids’ tongues because the atmosphere is friendlier than in a face-to-face conversation.

2. Listen intentionally

   It’s important that while communicating with your child, you listen intentionally so that you can understand them. During conversations, many parents listen to their children for the sole purpose of responding rather than to understand. We are so quick to offer advice and judgments, and often end up just shutting down the line of communication.

   Active listening involves getting rid of all communication barriers so that you can listen attentively without interrupting. Show you are interested in what your child is saying by using positive body language such as eye contact, nods, and open posture. And while the child is speaking, encourage him or her to go on by chipping in words like; “uh-huh,” “go on,” “I see.” You can also repeat or paraphrase their words to further show that you are listening indeed. For instance, you can say – “if I got you correctly, you said that…, is that correct?”

3. Be open

   Just like communication in marriage, positively communicating with your child demands that you be open to your child too. Try to talk about your experience when conversing with your child. Don’t always assume the role of the teacher when it comes to your kids. Sharing your experience is a great way to encourage your kids to open up and share theirs with you too. It also shows them that you are human as well as they are. And if while growing up, you had an experience similar to what the child is going through, why not bring it up? Both of you can then look at the situation and take the lessons from it.

4. Empathize, then advise

   Don’t just rush to offer advice to your kids. Start by empathizing with them with such words like – “Oh, no,” “I am so sorry for what you had to go through.” Avoid words like – “it’s not that bad,” “you could have performed better,” “I expected more from you,” “that was a silly idea.” These words shut down communication outright.

   Empathizing with your child creates room for your advice to be taken. Failure to do so may result in the child taking the advice on a surface level. Advising your child goes beyond speaking in English. It requires so much more.

5. Speak respectfully

   It’s not only adults that need to be addressed respectfully. If you want to have meaningful and positive communication with your child, you should speak to the child with some respect. There is no need of ordering the child around when you can pass the same message sternly but politely. Even kids want to be treated with some respect especially when it is something that has to do with them.

   No matter how upset you are with your kid, try to maintain an even tone. It may be hard to maintain such especially when the child is proving stubborn. However, speaking to the child in a disrespectful manner will only create more communication gap and set poor communication model for him or her to take after.

It takes effort to create positive communication

Take the time to deliberately create positive communication between you and your child. Keep it positive, and model positive thoughts and attitudes. With communication technology gadgets all around us, you had better not leave anything to chance. If you want respect, be respectful. And listen before you speak! Your kids are worth your time, and your efforts to teach them positive thinking.

Think we missed something? Share your best tips for communicating with your kids in the comments! 

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